Marriage and Money: Why Communication Matters More Than You Think
When I got married, I assumed my husband and I were automatically on the same page about money or it would be a simple conversation. Big mistake. HUGE. We had very different habits, expectations, and approaches when it came to finances. And because we didn’t communicate well, we wasted time, made costly mistakes, and added unnecessary stress to our marriage.
Here’s what I wish someone had told me: never assume—always communicate.
Separate Lives, Separate Money
My husband is now retired military, but he used to worked long hours as a recruiter. At the start of our marriage, he kept his own place near his office. I assumed he would be moving in because I owned my condo and he rented. Turns out after working 18 hours a day, driving an extra 30-40 minutes isn’t so fun. After we married, we kept everything separate. He was always hesitant about combining finances. (Even though I was the primary earner.) He even filed his taxes as single until I explained that wasn’t an option anymore! He had no idea. I was shocked.
I assumed he knew the basics of taxes, but I was wrong. The truth is, not everyone understands budgets, taxes, or investing. That’s why you have to ask questions and make sure communication is crystal clear.
The Big Missed Conversation
I also thought that once we were married, we’d naturally combine our households, expenses, and goals. But we never discussed it before tying the knot. That was a big mistake. It actually took us over a decade to fully align financially. Don’t let that be you. Have those conversations early and often.
If you can get your spouse onboard financially, you’ll be unstoppable.
Savers, Spenders, and the “B” Word
Most couples fall into the saver-spender trap—one of you loves budgets, the other thinks “budget” is a four-letter word. That’s why setting shared goals is so important. Whether it’s paying off your car, saving for a home, or planning for retirement, a shared dream can help cut unnecessary spending and keep you focused on what truly matters.
Different Roles, Same Team
There’s usually a more aggressive partner and a more passive one. I’m naturally the “bossy” type, and my husband is laid-back about almost everything. That balance works for us, but even the chillest partner needs to feel some control. We still don’t have combined bank accounts, but we’ve found ways to make it work through communication and shared goals. When I told my husband how quickly we could potentially pay off our mortgage, his eyes were opened. Suddenly he was onboard.
Control What You Can
If your spouse isn’t fully onboard yet, don’t panic. Control what you can. Maybe you handle groceries, eating out, or the credit cards. Slice and dice that budget, pay down debt strategically, and tuck away savings where you can.
Marriage and money don’t have to be messy—but only if you’re intentional. Don’t wait a decade like we did. Start the conversations now, ask the hard questions, and build a vision for your future together.
